Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why don't you cram some of that make up down your throat so you can be pretty on the inside>?

   I like my women like how I like my dogs. Loyal, color-blind, and my best friend.

   The problem with trying to avoid a problem by “playing stupid” is that far too often, you wind up looking like you won. .

   I like my women like I like my cheese. White American singles.

   If you watch the looting videos in reverse, they are really generous people

   If you stalk a regular 16 year-old girl and take photos of her, you'll be arrested. But if she's famous, you'll be hired as a Paparazzi.

   Damn...I'm having an out of money experience.

   There aren't many things that I believe less in the world than than some tech support guy in India telling me his name is Jeff.

   Only use deodorant under one arm....that way you know what you would have smelled like.

   A smile is the same in every language, I'm pretty sure the pee pee dance is too...

   Facebook is starting to remind me of my ex-wife... throwing things I said years ago back in my face.

   I have Attention Deficit Disorder. I get distracted easily because my head..... SHOULDERS, KNEES, AND TOES!! KNEES AND TOES!!

   After only one date, I knew her "emotional closet" was a walk in!

   I am nicknaming you "Big toe" cause sooner or later I am going to bang you on the coffee table.

   Damn deceptive thumbnail pics. You think you're seeing some hot little sweetie, then you click on it to enlarge the thing, and it's a cake!

   I don't wanna be loved I just wanna quickie No bite marks, no scratches, and no hickeys !

   How are you gonna dress like a ho, talk like a ho, walk like a ho, act like a ho, and then get mad when you are approached like a ho, addressed like a ho and treated like a ho? Silly ho.

   We're both fiction, you're too good to be true, and I don't exist to you.

   Sending mixed signals should be a federal offence!

   Pretending to be someone else is hurting and sabotaging yourself because you're telling yourself that the real you, is useless and worthless.