Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I walk into the 7/11, and the female clerk says, "You look JUST like my fourth husband!" I said, "Really...you've been married four times?' She goes, "No. Three."

   Have you ever thought about the fact that Mr. Krabs lives in Bikini Bottom?

   So Lady Gaga, goes to the VMA's as alter ego Jo Calderon. I guess the thought of her being a Denny's menu item was not manly enough...!

   Disappointed that Lady Gaga did not show up this year at the VMA's, I was really looking forward to my Grand Slam.

   Maybe Beyonce should have put a NuvaRing on it.

   Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

   When I'm drunk, my phone should say "are you sure you want to send this text?"

   heard Chaz Bono insisted he be paired with a female partner on "Dancing With The Stars" so ABC immediately went out and got Richard Simmons!

   Lil Wayne will not be upstaged by the Carter/Knowles clan tonight. When he brings Drake out to announce Drakes pregnant by him.

   So i'm heading down to the ballgame with my 2 buddies, and some guy says to me: "are they going too". I replied: "No, there just coming to sit in the car while I watch the game"... Why do people stupidly state the obvious?

   You keep me humble, you catch my stumble and you never let me crumble!

   congratulations on your 100th problem jay-z!

   ‎Lady Gaga came as a man ... Nicki Minaj came as GaGa & Jay-Z Came inside Beyoncé.... *LIKE* this if you agree LMAO.... :D

   Now completely convinced that Lady-Man GaGa is a dude..

   Just watched the MTV VMA's. Was it just me or did Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars look like brothers?

   Lady GaGa looked like Ralph Machio from Karate Kid on the VMA's tonight

   i think jay z and beyonce child is gonna be the anti christ... i'm just saying

   If abortion is Murder, does that make condoms kidnapping?

   convinced God made mosquitos and flies just to watch us slap ourselves

   A teacher told me about a growing trend in the younger grades: banning erasers from class, so kids don't have to feel like they're wrong.