Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Can you hear those footsteps running behind you? That's not me running after you, that's karma catching up to you.

   I refuse to let a woman make a fool out of me and I refuse to let any female take me out of my character.

   Bad things come In 3's. First the earthquake, then the hurricane, then the zombies..

   No seriuously we should not have dumped Osama bin Laden's body in the ocean ..... Neptune is pissed. He has Unleashed The Kraken's

   "Irene is what happens when the universe has just had enough of Jersey Shore..."

   Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age, but will kill you if you forget their birthday`s :-)

   Job's forbidden fruit co. (Apple) has turned you into an unrepentable sinner if your partner says "iLoveU" and you reply with "When is the launch date for that?"

   I think if they named all the huricanes after men, they probaably would never make it past the Virgin Islands...

   I wonder if they get hurricanes in India? Let me call there and find out, what the number to AT&T?

   They say that this planet is another world's hell. I don't know WTF I did but I'm Sorry!!!

   One good thing about hurricane Irene. The news has pre-empted NASCAR on the east coast.

   - True fact about my friends: Friends are like boobs. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real and some are fake.

   This girl just caught me staring at her, but I played it off by yelling “Cool wall behind that girl's head!”

   It's all funny till the zombies come isn't it?

   Hmm, a country that's government still wears women's wigs older yes, wiser, me thinks not.

   Would it be a good thing if I woke up feeling like P.Diddy? WTF's that mean anyway?!!

   Question is: Am I responsible enough to be in charge of cooking oil after 5 beers. We shall see. If I catch the house on fire you'll all be the first to know, I'll update on the way out :D

   Glad I got boobs to catch food. Much rather do laundry than use a papertowel.

   Same old same old __ I frikkin' love weekends :D __ you're welcome!!!

   I can't imagine a world without weekends :)