Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4621 of 6446

A man buys a box of tampons for his old lady, and the cashier asks, "Do you want me to put these in the bag". The man replies, "No, I think she can do it by herself."
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08-29-2011 16:03 by sbenj69
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Dear Michele Bachmann, Hurricane Irene was a warning from God... That you SHOULDN'T run for President in 2012. Best Regards.
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08-29-2011 16:01
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My friend posted on Facebook saying, "Rhianna is the greatest artist evar <<<<3" For some reason she got annoyed when I said, "No way, Chris Brown beats Rhianna any day!"
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08-29-2011 15:50
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Do you think maybe I could save even more than 15% on my car insurance if Geico didn't waste so much f*cking money on commercials?

You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie.
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08-29-2011 15:25
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Fellas: Silence doesn't always mean your sexual performance left her speechless.
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08-29-2011 15:17
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"I wasn't that drunk" 'Dude, you were in my closet yelling "Where's Narnia"
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08-29-2011 15:12
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Be a fountain, not a drain.
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08-29-2011 15:03
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Strong are those that accept the nothing they get and then mold it into something.
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08-29-2011 14:53
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Mom: I found this condom while I was cleaning your room. Are you sexually active? Girl: No. I just lay there.
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08-29-2011 14:50
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A five year old asked, “Mommy, was daddy ever inside you like I was?” Mommy replied, “Yes, but only for a minute.”
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08-29-2011 14:42
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anyone's Facebook acting strange today? Mine just tried to fondle me....
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08-29-2011 14:18 by Rick H.
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Thank god I found the good in goodbye because I went through hell from the moment I said hello.
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08-29-2011 13:56
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Today I saw a baby with a bib that said “This dumba$$ put my cape on backwards.”

Cars should have a thing where if you drive around with your blinker on for too long, they explode.

If i'm weird with you, it means I'm comfortable with you.
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08-29-2011 13:46
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Sometimes I can't blame these women for spying, stalking and researching on some of you men. Most of you be LMAO too much. LMAO as in Lying My A$$ Off.
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08-29-2011 13:32
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I discovered a new hidden talent, making women cry.
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08-29-2011 12:55
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Instead of saying, "Happy Birthday!" I'm going to start saying "Happy annual celebration of your successful escape from the womb."
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08-29-2011 12:52
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Ladies: Sometimes it's the mind games you play, that drive him into the arms of another woman.
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08-29-2011 12:45
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