Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 460 of 6383
I went to see a child psychologist the other day... But really, what can a nine-year-old tell me?
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02-21-2020 06:22
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Do you ever eat a mint and then take a sip of cold water and it hurts your teeth and then all your teeth fall out and they form a pentagram on the floor and the lights shut off and your ears start ringing and the ringing turns into an explosive roar
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02-21-2020 06:18
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Tis the season to be freezin.
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02-21-2020 02:56
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Rapper "Pop Smoke" has died. Please respect my privacy at this time, while I try to figure out who the heck he was.
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02-20-2020 19:43 by BigToe
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Oh I can walk the walk. Just don't ask me to jog the jog or run the run...
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02-20-2020 18:44 by Gabe
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I've just been promoted at my job as a bike mechanic. I'm now the spokesperson.
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02-20-2020 14:24
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Man with Corona virus seeks woman with Lymes disease
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02-20-2020 13:53 by JC
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Got kicked out of my motorcycle gang again for trying to sell essential oils
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02-20-2020 13:52
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My wife is reading all the 's' word in the dictionary. I think she's up to something.
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02-20-2020 13:17
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With Burger King's new commercial of the Whopper growing mold I guess I won't be saving them anymore for the next 34 days.
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02-20-2020 08:29
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Looks like Bloomberg got stopped and frisked during the debate...
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02-20-2020 08:26 by Gabe
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It's snowing! And I think I'll go outside now for 30 seconds to take a selfie so all my Facebook friends can see how much I love the snow.
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02-20-2020 08:01
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to finish below status, to be born in Kenya but it wasnt socialist enough.
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02-20-2020 06:35
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People should stop believing bizarre stories about U.S. presidents. George Washington did not have wooden teeth. Abe Lincoln did not write the Gettysburg address on an envelope. And President Obama wasn't born in Kenya. It was Tanzania. He was going to b
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02-20-2020 06:33
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Richard Nixon's wife once asked him to make her a pot roast. He replied, "I am not a cook."
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02-20-2020 06:20
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You'll know you've grown old when your 6 pack abs turn into a keg.
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02-20-2020 04:44 by STARMAN
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I'm so old I remember when the Beatles where are the New Kids on the Block.
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02-19-2020 23:45
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I almost walked out of the dentist’s office without putting my pants back on.
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02-19-2020 15:26
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Please create a password. Your password must contain a capital letter, and number, a special character, and emoji, eight elements of the periodic table and a short story with a protagonist, character development and a plot twist at the end
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02-19-2020 14:28 by Rickster
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There will soon come a day when the only thing we'll use modern technology for is to reminisce about how good things were before modern technology.
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02-19-2020 12:44 by Fazzy
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