Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4501 of 6426

Arch West, the creator of Doritos, has passed away at the age of 97. Do you think he'll have a triangle shaped tombstone???
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09-26-2011 08:53 by Jay
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Had a great weekend, now Monday just like always comes and steps in and ruins it
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09-26-2011 08:38 by bubba
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What's with all those sub categories in facebook's relationship status option? For example...what's a Domestic Partnership? She vacuums while he dusts?
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09-26-2011 08:05 by Mick F
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typed "X-men" into a google image search and didn't quite get the result I wanted.... Who the heck is this Wolvarine guy anyway?
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09-26-2011 07:58 by CB
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Dear birds who so graciously woke me before my alarm clock did.... F-CK YOU!!
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09-26-2011 07:38
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I heard sex at age 90.....is like trying to shoot pool with a rope
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09-26-2011 07:31
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yes I am embarrassed of certain things I did in my past.....you reminding me wont really hurt me any more then it already did, pain is gone only scars left and those dont hurt just reminder , I DON'T NEED YOU TO REMIND ME
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09-26-2011 07:28
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My idea of artificial intelligence is where the Porn tab changes into the Google tab the moment someone knocks on the door
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09-26-2011 07:15
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■“'OMG ARE YOU OK?” ‘Oh yeah I'm fine, I Just like bleeding for fun.'
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09-26-2011 07:13
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To avoid condom related accident, use 2 condoms with chili powder in btwn them, if outer breaks she'll know & if inner one breaks U'll know!
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09-26-2011 06:57
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I don't smoke pot. But hang with people who do. They have great snack ideas, and if you're broke, it is a good group to hang out with for a free meal. If all they're stoned, just start talking about pizza, or fried chicken. Snack time!
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09-26-2011 06:43 by Mick F
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People wearing neckbraces should wear a t-shirt explaining why.
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09-26-2011 05:58 by flinnie
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A concussion? A broken hand? There has to be a PETA member somewhere with a Mike Vick voodoo doll
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09-26-2011 05:58 by flinnie
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Learn to spell, Auto Correct isn't always write
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09-26-2011 05:52 by flinnie
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never regret anything because at one point it was exactly what you wanted

R.I.P Nobel Laureate Prof. Wangari Maathai....
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09-26-2011 03:39 by Kelly
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Just watched 'Pan Am" ….. Now there's an example where the union seniority killed the industry, all those lovely stewardesses are now old flight attendants
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09-26-2011 02:11 by smeebert
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Looking at a hot woman and thinking, ‘The things I would do to you.'
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09-26-2011 02:08
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The rap song "Walk It Out" was inspired by a guy who was consoling his girlfriend after a hardcore night of rough sex.

to the ppl thinknig facebook is really charging...send your payments to: (my name), Po box...
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09-26-2011 01:24 by Eddy
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