Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if gene pool wre like swimmin pool id drain mine & start over with fresh untainted water

   Governments always put all states on high alert after a bomb blast. What a freaking joke... its like putting on a condom after a positive pregnancy test!!!

   So you wonder why I never seem to get any sleep. Well I never go to bed angry. I stay up and plot my revenge. So ask yourself something, do I hate alot of people or is one person really going to get it. Now your wondering if its you.

   it a violation to fart in a non-smoking area?

   as pissed off as being in the express checkout land behind an old laldy, with too many items, using coupons for every item, and with a new clerk calling for a price check.

   When I was a child I would confuse a.m. and p.m. Now that I'm in college its happening all over again.

   Every girl knows that one "B*tch she don't want anywhere close her man.

   Its all fun and games until you realise your Capri Sun has no straw.

   I wake up every morning and thank God I don't look like Rick Ross.

   Everybody got that one friend that can't spell .. you gotta decode all their text messages.

   Who are all these people judging me? They should be arrested for practising law without a degree.

   I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing....

   when will people understand. "i can't hear you while I'm chewing my doritos!"

   Have you ever noticed that people who snore seem to always fall asleep first?

   RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.

   I'm participating in a 0.25K run to raise awareness for people with attention deficit disorder.

   it just me, or does Morgan Freeman play god in almost every movie...

   "Fei Fei Sun.. She is Chinese" oh, really? It sounded so European to me!!

   Well, I just made friends with some mexicans who just moved into the neighborhood. It's about time I finally got friends with benefits.

   When I have children I'm going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that