Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I have to ask my wife where she wants to go for dinner at 1 pm so that the restaurant is still open once she finally makes a decision

   We all need to make a pact right now that there will be riots if Hollywood tries to remake The Goonies

   Lady in the commercial for the life alert necklace said she fell. Laid there for 8 hours til her friend came. Why didn't the cameraman help her up?

   Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.

   My family was too poor to buy hooked on fonics.

   A Girl that knows she's beautiful never has to tell people about it.

   have you seen what facebook wants to do to the profiles now? zuckerberg needs a timeline of when he gave the ppl what they liked

   I miss me when I'm gone.

   So you saying I have a better chance in getting hit by a piece satellite then winning the lotto tomorrow!?!? WTF!!

   Make crime pay...become a lawyer.

   Since Facebook shows when you add new friends, it's only fair, and would be quite amusing, to show when you delete someone...and why.

   Stupidity is not an inherited trait, but for some it comes quite naturally.

   Please stop looking so attractive. I m trying to stop liking you.

   Never fear the unknown; embrace it! Never avoid challenges; welcome them! Never fear negativity; laugh at it! Never walk away from difficulties; confront them! True success can never be achieved without overcoming some sort of obstacles!

   If you update your status more than three times in any 24hour period you have too much time on your hands - and should probably get a job.

   The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.

   so..nasa says your not allowed to sell any part of the satellite on ebay thats hurtling towards earth at 5 miles per second. 5 miles per seocnd?..is their going to be anything left to sell then?

   Rabity Ear Antennae users and Direct TV customers will finally have clearer reception tomorrow as the Satlellite approaches closer- Sat they will be back to fuzzy logic!

   time to get the Atari out and take care of this falling satellite...

   this uhh jersey shore show that my kids watch... is it like a facebook in reality.. t.v show ? just doesnt make sense to me .