Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I never understood why people take pictures of themselves flipping the bird. Was the camera mean to you?

   there are two ways to destroy a friendship between two girls. a boy and a rumour.

   Ladies need to learn how to moan during sex, some of you women be sounding like wrestlers

   Dear stalker, seriously dude...I have a whole box of KOTEX in my drawer...I have TAMPONS & PADS WITH WINGS. Pick ur poison!

   I'm not a Hater. I'm a Cultural Critic. Its a difference.

   Correct me if I am wrong but if your white, is it no longer cool to get beads braided into your pubic hair?

   Thank God for Pancakes and Tang.... They taste the same from when it goes down till you throw it back up!

   A booty call for Star Trek nerd is a Ferengi with Benefits.

   I hear teaching Geography is where it is at these days!

   Am I the only one that thinks Oscar The Grouch looks like a big pile of weed?

   You can't dance with the devil and expect to go home with Jesus

   That feel good feeling when someone walks into your life and you know there going to make an impact on your life :)

   Arm amputees: "Stumped" for cash? Earn a lucritive second income by taking impressive fisting photos.

   Can we pretend that shooting stars in the night sky are like airplanes? I could really use some frequent-flyer miles right now...

   Yes, m@sturbation is a pleasant, yet quick diversion. Scratching one's own b@lls however, can provide hours and hours of limitless entertainment. At least that's what my dad says.

   Hello, this is OnStar Mr Gadaffi. We noticed that your car is not moving, is everything OK? ..... Hello,...Hello?

   Dont you hate when you open a bag of chips and its only 30% full? Thats how guys feel about push up bras.

   Why do people add "just sayin" we know you said it because we can read.

   There's a “send” button; there's a “resend button; WHY ISN'T THERE AN UNSEND BUTTON?

   You're cute…That's until your 30-day photoshop trial expires.