Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 441 of 6446

I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth. Now I speak with a strange axe scent.
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07-16-2020 06:36
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Research has revealed a subatomic particle that may actually be shaped like a buffalo. It's been called the Higgs Bison.
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07-16-2020 06:28
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Hate is too powerful an emotion
to waste on somebody
you don't even like.
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07-16-2020 05:45
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This generation is guilty
of making the wrong people
rich and famous.
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07-16-2020 05:44
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Wayfair is awesome. Not only will I save space with my new Springboro storage cabinet, I'll also qualify for an additional child tax credit next year.
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07-15-2020 15:46 by SirL00NEY
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Live life on your own terms. I certainly do. The terms were 0% down and a dollar a month in perpetuity. I'm only hoping I have some perp left in my tuity.
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07-15-2020 12:44 by Fazzy
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I was once bitten by a bear because I stuck my hand in a bear cage, in case you want to know what kind of decisions I have the potential to make.
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07-15-2020 08:14
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I fell in love with a female electrician. …She was a real live wire and I took her ohm with me.
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07-15-2020 08:14
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My 22 yr old was listening to Baby Shark yesterday and the song is still stuck in my head. So I get it, moms of toddlers, I really doo doo, doo doo doo doo.
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07-15-2020 08:13
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That feeling when you must evacuate your bowels after drinking fermented tea should be called spontaneous kombucha.
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07-15-2020 08:12
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You think 2020 is bad, wait till 2025 when the Murder Ladybugs invade.
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07-15-2020 08:11
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I’ve just been wearing a towel for 5 days so everyone thinks I showered.
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07-15-2020 08:11
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My wife said she bought the lingerie for me, but then got upset when I put it on... I just don't get women.
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07-14-2020 19:45 by DJJackson
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Like a Drifter I Walk Alone.
By Whitesnake....and the CDC
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07-14-2020 15:58
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[dismissed from jury duty because I kept coughing loudly the words ‘bribe me’]
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07-14-2020 15:18
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Saying "All Lives Matter" is like when your house catches fire and the 911 operator says "All Houses Matter".
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07-14-2020 14:47
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I’ve had a lot more interest from women since I’ve been forced to wear a mask and I don’t know how to feel about that.
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07-14-2020 09:49
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We're living in a real life DC Universe where The Joker pardoned The Penguin.
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07-14-2020 09:40
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Look low in the northwest sky around 9:45 p.m for the next few days for the NEOWISE asteroid you won't want to miss as it will be a once-in-a-lifetime event!! just like the last several asteroids that flew by.
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07-14-2020 09:26
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Just so we're on the same page, I'm on 136.
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07-14-2020 09:11
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