Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   How many teenage girls does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven: one to change the lightbulb and ten to each take 200 photos of the event for facebook, clog up your news feed, and later on edit the pictures to black and white.

   A dislike button on facebook would be cool at first, but it would eventually just cause a lot of controversy and drama. Especially if you could dislike peoples entire profiles. That would not go well..

   We all have that one facebook friend that acts like it's their job to keep everyone updated on the weather, current events, and other meaningless sh!t with their status.

   According to NIKON'S latest commercial that I just watched, "Small is the new Huge!"......I know of a few guys that'll be THRILLED to hear that.

   "I got 99 cookies cuz a b!tch ate one" ~ Cookie Monster

   “I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.” ― Rodney Dangerfield

   "The reason why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it."

   If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

   Some girls should NOT be allowed to post on facebook during their bye week.

   Apparently the drummer from Blur wants to be an MP. Yet another politician who wants to live in a house, a very big house in the country...

   Breast Awareness month: we stare because we care.

   Right now what Lindsay Lohan needs more than anything is our caring and understanding. And just a little bit of cocaine if possible.

   Last Sunday's sermon came from Manchester 6vs1..'and Fergie wept.'..

   Your ex boyfriend/girlfriend's status changes to "In a relatiobship"....You: (Damn). A week later, their status changes back to "Single"....You: (Hahahahahahaha!)

   Me: "What was your major in college?" Friend: "I'm majoring in Debtology and Unemployconomics. Sure is a lot of students in the classes."

   my life's story is too far different from yours so please stop questioning and judging me

   you know we're getting lazy as people when you see "ready in 5 minutes" and you roll your eyes

   If an astronaut killed another astronaut on the moon, would he be arrested when he got back to earth? The only person on earth that can decide this is Miss Universe.

   You can say anything about the Amish on Facebook, there not going to see it.

   believes that I date the same man over and over just in different wrappers...