Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   walking in the mall today..saw a kid with 4 lip rings..suddenly had an urge to hang a shower curtain.

   Just bought the entire Yoko Ono collection on Itunes. I got the Itunes receipt and they credited me 1,000,000,000 free songs.

   Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.

   We always want the best man to win an election, Unfortunately, he never runs.

   It only took Kim Kardashian 72 days to realize that Kris Humphries wasn't black

   i get the feeling that if Herman Cain gets elected, he's gonna call Congress "the cracker box"...a building full of white ppl or "crackers"

   It's kinda sad that 98% of the population can only correctly use a semicolon if they're trying to digitally wink at somebody.

   Been watching that show " The Biggest Loser" and I figured out why they call I that and its not about who loses the most weight....

   I was going to wish you a happy birthday but Facebook was down

   Glad the Facebook redesign helped distract you from everything actually wrong with your life

   May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook

   I hate it when people belittle other people's problems just because they're not as bad as some. No matter the gravity, they're still problems, and people have a right to be sad.

   Feelings like anger and sadness should probably be embraced. Even though we may not like them, they're all natural emotions and a part of life. After all, the world would most likely be pretty bland if all we felt was satisfaction.

   "He broke my heart I broke his xbox <3 :))" ...Right. Things like this are probably why he broke up with you in the first place.

   It's all New Orleans Saints day.

   The best posts are the ones that make you say "I had no idea other people did that!".

   Those people that make fun of you for flinching are annoying. Of course I try to avoid getting hit in the face.

   My dream car is 1969 Camaro with a pine tree airfreshenr hanging from the rearview and your girlfriend in backseat. Now all I need is a 1969 Camaro.

   In the world of MTV, when a girl is in her sixteenth year she either gets an extravagant birthday party or a baby. Most sixteen-year-olds I know would settle for a new iPod.

   if dogs could talk theyd prolly talk a lot about shoes