Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw

   i have learned that pleasing everyone is too hard, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake

   Arguing on Facebook is like running in the special Olympic, even if you win you are still retarded

   Dont treat your lady like rubbish or another man will just recycle her

   Yes there's plenty of fish in the sea, but don't forget about the sharks, seaweed, oil spills, toxic waste and the Somali pirates.

   What's the difference between Penn State and the State Penn??? Sandusky will be catching not pitching!

   Feels like I spooned an aggressive hedgehog last night.

   I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

   Facebook should have a way to tell you who un-friended you... Not that I care really, it's their loss, Just to know to who to deny when they try to friend you again...

   Whenever I wake up on my own, I am automatically thrown in a panic of whether or not I slept through my alarm.

   If facebook showed how many times I visited your profile, I'm dead. 

   FEAR = F*ck Everything And Run.

   When I say "It's a long story" to you, It usually means I just don't want to tell you or I'm just lazy to.

   Since Facebook shows everyone when you like or comment to someone's pic. Wouldnt it be fair if it did the same when you remove someone? and the reason Why?

   Maybe because she is watching more football, but I am starting to like it when she stops, calls for a measurement then goes for it.....

   Titty Bars are the male version of window shopping.... You can't afford what you are looking at, but you sure can see yourself in it!

   confusion spawns from not being honest with yourself and true to your own feelings. Now get your head out of your ass!

   If you keep allowing yourself to be used as a doormat, don't complain when you're thrown away for new one once you get worn out.

   In a sad blow to the pervs and rapists, A judge orders no more tent pitching on Wall Street.

   If your parents ever call you a liar, just say "Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa". Then walk away like a BOSS!