Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you blow my high, you owe me weed.

   Jack and Jill went up the hill so he could lick her candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c0ck 'cause Jills real name is Randy

   Kiss me before I brush my teeth in the morning so I know your love is real.

   Osama Bin Laden ✔ Saddam Hussein ✔ Gadaffi ✔ Ciara's toes ✔ Lebron's hairline ✔ Souljaboy's career ❒

   I am not addicted to weed, I only smoke it 2 times a year on my birthday and when its not my birthday.

   Your sex is on fire...? No slut... thats called herpes.

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   Too many of you HOES confusing thick with fat.....When you THICK, your stomach doesn't dance when you walk.

   Don't be a dead hero, if it ain't got sh!t to do with you keep moving.

   Buy a b!tch some high heels and she'll walk all over you in them.

   Okay I will let you go but you are going to find out that there's not many like me, but there's plenty like you.

   No one can change a person, but someone can be a persons reason to change. - Spongebob.

   Best way to handle insults? Accept them! ex: "You're so ugly!" "Tell me about it." or "You're an idiot!" "Yeah, it's a problem..".

   Midnight bathroom trip...eyes forward, avoid mirrors, happy thoughts.

   Don't let your ego write a check your character can't cash.

   Ladies: If your boyfriend is the kind of guy that removes the vowels from FEMALE for you... dump him!

   Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are

   If you don't have any critics, you probably don't have any success either!

   Here comes the 2010 Christmas post all over again ...

   midgets who are actors and actresses must love the Xmas season. every movie or commercial that remotely deals with Santa has at least 2000 of em'