Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 423 of 6383
THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I repeat, THIS IS NOT A DRILL! – My dentist, to his trainee hygienist, who keeps passing him the wrong implements.
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04-10-2020 11:38
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At this point I only practice good personal hygiene based on how I would want my body to be found
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04-10-2020 11:35
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when isolation is over, we should all be allowed to commit one (1) crime since we’ve technically already served the time for it
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04-10-2020 11:34
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I asked Alexa how old Kenny Rogers was when he died. She told me he was 81, and then she said, “Would you also like to know the net worth of Kenny Rogers?” Why the hell would you ask me that, Alexa, am I in the will?
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04-10-2020 11:33
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Does anyone know how to get to Sesame Street? Elmo owes me money.
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04-10-2020 11:32
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Home invasion 2019 : this is awful and terrifying… OMG I can’t believe this is happening! Home invasion 2020 : ohhhh heeyyyy … so did y’all wash your hands?
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04-10-2020 11:31
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Well at least before the coronavirus I got in plenty of practice socially distancing myself thanks to facebook.
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04-10-2020 10:00
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How can the guy below refer to anyone's dumbness when he spells quarantine like that? You can't make this stuff up, folks.
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04-10-2020 09:09
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If there’s one thing this lockdown has taught me; it’s that your first breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
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04-09-2020 23:22
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Wonder how those “I’ll never spank my Children doing” parents are doing. Y’all Good ?
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04-09-2020 20:10
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If gas goes under $1.00 ima put some in the freezer.
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04-09-2020 17:43 by Mr.M
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Has anyone got a spare ‘medically induced coma’ I can borrow ?
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04-09-2020 15:28
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Oh no! I forgot to refrigerate this German sausage! Now it's totally become a spoiled brat.
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04-09-2020 10:05
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Still haven't used a package of Willow brand toilet paper I scored as I just love the name Willow, thats like Wilson but softer, longer-lasting, more essential.
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04-09-2020 09:47
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If dispensaries don’t offer “herb side pickup”, they are really missing out on a prime opportunity.
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04-09-2020 09:18 by Alissa
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Let's be real, most people who signed up for Facebook didn't have a social life to begin with so staying at home should be easy.
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04-09-2020 09:11
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A Pizza is just a real-time Pie Chart showing how much Pizza is left.
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04-09-2020 08:04
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When he was told Sanders was stepping down, Joe Biden congratulated him on all that great chicken.
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04-09-2020 07:48 by TimS.
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Felt something cold and wet on my arm, damn mosquito used an alcohol wipe before he bit me.
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04-09-2020 06:56
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From Our CEO To Our Valued Customers Please come back we promise to start cleaning the bathroom
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04-09-2020 06:48
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