flinnie Funny Status Messages

   I'll never be convinced there's not someone hiding under my bed just waiting for the chance to grab my ankle.

   No one is more judgmental than a waitress questioning if you've saved room for dessert.

   "I bet you're told this all the time" means you are about to hear something you've never heard and it's probably going to sting a little.

   Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people's backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.

   today I was awoken at 3am by my child laughing hysterically in his sleep. All I could think of is "man I really wish I didn't watch so many horror movies cause I'm creeped out!"

   I've come to the realization that LL Cool J's momma is a real trouble maker

   Won a $50 gift card to Chili's at Christmas raffle. In other news, decided my secret santa is getting a $14.37 gift card to Chili's for Christmas.

   Dear inventor of the spork: I am fully prepared to have my mind blown again, whenever you're ready.

   I thought you had a moment of holiday cheer come over you. It was gas, you are disgusting.

   "I'll get you, gadget. Next time." --Dr. Claw, window shopping at the sharper image

   I see London. I see France. I see the Human Resources Office because I made an inappropriate observation.

   Alfalfa was the Depression era Justin Bieber.

   I'm going to open a store and call it "Don't Patronize Me."

   Mariah Carey grew to hate Christmas. After she recorded all I want for Christmas is you, she only gets a house full of relatives now.

   I'm starting to think it's probably not that hard out there for a pimp.

   I declined an iTunes Terms & Conditions update. Immediately my phone rang. A cold robotic voice said "wrong move silly human."

   Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. And thats where I come in.

   Hip Hop in the 90s was more simple. You always knew you could find all the party people in the house.

   Holding grudges gets you no where in life but it does prove how stuck in the past you are.

   Just saw a huge spider while I was getting out of the shower. So I pulled down the shower curtain rod & pole vaulted over it into the hallway.