Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon if I ever get down on one knee and propose to a girl and she says "No" I'm coming back up with a uppercut like Street Fighter!...."haaaadduuikkickkkk!"
←Rate | 12-06-2011 00:45 by jitneyman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just letting life pull me down, and patiently waiting for my great slinghot experience!..RJ
←Rate | 12-06-2011 00:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A successful diet means no longer caring "who stole the cookie from the cookie jar!"
←Rate | 12-06-2011 00:08 by kimg Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people win the lottery and insist that money won't change them, but then refuse to ever eat cat food again.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 22:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Success is just like being Pregnant, everybody congratulates you, but nobody knows how many times you were f%@ked.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 22:10 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will always refer to # as a "number sign"or "pound sign".. Not a "Hashtag" The last time I remeber a hashtag. it was being handed to de left hand side
←Rate | 12-05-2011 21:39 by Seanathon Comments (0)  


   messageicon WhitePeopleGoogleSearches How do I find my stolen iPhone BlackPeopleGoogleSearches How do I unlock the iPhone I just found..
←Rate | 12-05-2011 20:58 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can hear my loving wife and kids scream at each other about who got chocolate on our couch while I try to hang myself in the bedroom.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 20:43 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon How Many Blondes Does It Take To Change A Diaper......................Ask Hugh Hefner
←Rate | 12-05-2011 20:36 by Banjaxed Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just had to use a can opener to get my jeans off.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 19:27 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon My religion combines Buddhism & Scientology, or Buddhintology. I believe in Celebrities & Emptiness.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 19:27 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Brett Favre has thrown his hat into the ring to replace the injured Jay Cutler. The hat was immediately intercepted and returned for a TD.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 19:26 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just took my Doritos bag out of the trash because I saw one more Dorito in it. I wonder if Bonnie Tyler is still holding out for a hero?
←Rate | 12-05-2011 19:24 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I accidentally hit a deer! Okay it wasn't a deer, it was a Smart car with fake antlers on it... and it wasn't an accident.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 19:23 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon New favorite term: Multislacking. It's nice to find a name for something you're good at.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 18:19 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Sorry I brought that up." - Bulimics
←Rate | 12-05-2011 18:19 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon All these years in therapy have finally paid off people... My therapist just recommended I get supervision this festive season. I have always wanted super powers! BEST Christmas present ever...
←Rate | 12-05-2011 18:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon this chick 'Beyonce' lost her phone today She said its on silent. I was like, "If you liked it then you shouldve put a ring on it!"
←Rate | 12-05-2011 18:02 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook should have a limit on how many times you change ure relationship status, after 3 in a year it should auto-default to "unstable"
←Rate | 12-05-2011 17:31 by mark Comments (0)  


   messageicon FB should just stop asking me whats on my mind and ask "What kinda nonsense do you want to tell everyone this time"
←Rate | 12-05-2011 16:18 by @BoyGotJokes Comments (0)  




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