Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 409 of 6383
Walmart is asking customers to wear masks. Good luck with that. They can't even get them to wear pants...
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04-27-2020 13:30 by Gabe
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I see Netflix is already making documentaries about the Coronavirus. Like jeez thanks Netflix just what I want to watch!
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04-27-2020 12:10
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My laundry detergent was swept out to sea by a fast moving current. R.I.P. Tide
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04-27-2020 11:49
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The man should always walk next to the curb with the woman walking next to the building. That way, if someone shoves a piano out of a 6th story window, she's the one who gets it.
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04-27-2020 11:00
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I need to social distance myself from my refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.
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04-27-2020 09:33
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If anyone is feeling hysterical please stop by my house and I will slap you
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04-27-2020 09:25
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NOTICE: Drive thru weddings at the First State Bank from 6-10pm. Put $50 in the money drawer and out comes a marriage license and two rolls of Smarties. God bless.
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04-27-2020 09:25
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*Love in the time of coronavirus* Hey baby, want to go back to my place and play find the paper cut with the hand sanitizer?
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04-27-2020 09:24
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My ex got married yesterday. Should I send them a card or just the screenshots of him trying to get me back when they were dating ?
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04-27-2020 09:24
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I just unzipped my skinny jeans and it startled me like a freshly poked tube of biscuit dough.
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04-27-2020 09:20
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My husband ordered a hearing aid off of Amazon. I’m so screwed you guys.
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04-27-2020 09:18
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If my dog’s front feet move while he’s asleep then I know he’s dreaming about playing the piano. If it’s his back feet, tap dancing.
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04-27-2020 09:18
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Apparently granny panties and crocs was not the answer he was looking for when he messaged ‘baby what are you wearing?’
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04-27-2020 09:17
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two months from now, toilet paper still remains out of stock. the people begin to riot. the charmin bears perch upon their mountain of wealth, watching humanity suffer
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04-27-2020 08:18
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Practice self-care like Medusa, take care of your hair & turn everyone who has wronged you into stone.
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04-27-2020 08:17
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Me to my kids: you have to eat right and get good sleep if you want to stay healthy. Also me: *shouting at 5am* WHO THE HELL ATE MY BREAKFAST PRINGLES??
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04-27-2020 08:17
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While I was at the hospital , I noticed I parked in the "C" section of their parking lot..... So, of course, I climbed out of the sunroof !
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04-27-2020 06:45 by BG
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.. I maybe dumb enough to listen to him, but I am smart enough not to believe him.
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04-27-2020 04:02 by TRUEMAN
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has anyone tried unplugging 2020,wait 30 seconds then plugging it back in?
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04-27-2020 01:53
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Doctor Cathy told me I was really sweet. Well, she actually said I am severely diabetic but I knew what she meant.
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04-27-2020 00:14 by DJJackson
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