Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Trying to understand quantum physics. Cause trying to understand women is just too damn hard.

   I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.

   What would it take to bring back fat Al Roker? I feel like we were a better America then.

   If antihistamines are used to make meth, then it stands to reason that meth will help my chest cold.

   You can call me many things but never, ever call me a 'scofflaw'. It's a stupid word.

   Stop 2nd guessing yourself! No seriously you should be 7th guessing yourself instead.

   IDKFA! <---if you remember what this did then your unstoppable

   Can you imagine the panic that ensuses when the actor who plays the Mayhem character in the Allstate commercials boards a commercial flight?

   Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?

   If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas

   Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light

   How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?

   If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and your the main witness, what if you say "no"?

   Crazy Fact… People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.

   I hate meeting super fine on Facebook but pugly in real life girls.

   There are good status updates, then there are bad status updates ... then there's 50 feet of crap, then there's mine.

   So Android has "Iris"....Siri's ugly stepsister.

   Martain Luther King Jr. Bday now Muhammad Ali Bday somebody gonna ready this and turn red with hate

   Instead of a relationship status saying "It's complicated" it should just say "Ike and Tina"

   Happy Birthday Benjamin Franklin!..to celebrate your birthday I'm leaving all the lights in the house...thanks again for all your great discoveries and inventions!....especially electricity