Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What's the difference between pick and choose? Pick is when you make a decision about something & Choose is what Puerto Rican women wear on their feet!

   Please don't BRO me, I am a single child and I'm white.

   almost had a psychic girlfriend but she dumped me before we ever met

   's son bought a Justin Beiber CD. I wonder which Powerpuff girl he will dress as for Carnival

   brought to you today by next door's unsecured wireless router

   going to write a report about procrastination for university tomorrow.

   your fat.......... and I'm not going to sugar coat it cause you would prolly eat that also.

   Welcome to Facebook! Where liars tell more lies, enemies are Facebook friends, weak people turn into Facebook gangsters, haters complain about haters and every person who talks about money ain't got none.

   Finding a teen that does not have child is like finding the back to my remote

   I'll be completely honest with you... sometimes I shower naked.

   I'll buy the magic mushrooms, fireballs and flying raccoons but a Princess dating an Italian plumber?

   I'm really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight, come over

   So when a girl Poke$ me on fb, is it like a $trap on or something?

   I'll call you Daddy......no problem, when I get a weekly allowance!

   Today is "International Microphone Testing day" 1.2.12

   Soul Train? I don't think this means what you think it means!

   decorating for my stupid sisters baby shower using condoms as balloons..

   likes to fist-bump with a 'i got ur nose' fist

   Hopefully Don Cornelius really is on the Soul Train to Heaven...

   I had a happy childhood. My dad would put me inside a tire and then roll me down a hill. They were Goodyears