Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Anyone can air guitar. It takes a true artist to air tambourine.

   I alternate between cautious optimism and reckless pessimism.

   "The trouble with Quotes on the internet is that it difficult to determine whether or not they're authentic" ~ Abraham Lincoln ~

   I'm not a Justin Bieber fan, I don't even like the music. But seriously, I'm sick of all the hating. I don't care how the singer looks like. I'm not defending anyone, but didn't your parents teach you to respect women?

   F#ck annoying! its irrelevant.

   The only reason women can't park is because we are constantly being lied to about what 8 inches really is.

   You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson

   I hate it when you're with MC Hammer and he doesn't let you touch anything

   Caution: underestimate me at your own risk!

   Some people push your buttons and others just outright break your keyboard!!!

   Why are the Egyptian people so angry......

   How come you can't get toothpaste to stay on the brush but you have to use a putty knife to get it out of the sink?

   needs to get help for alcoholism NOW...wonder where I should go.

   thanking Don Cornelius for startting off Black History Month with a bang.

   Whoever taught Yoda English in High School did a horrible job.

   There are two types of women - one with perfect make-up, great hair, sexy clothing, fresh nail polish, and incredible shoes . . . and one with kids!

   See even Don Cornelius is sick of Black History month.

   What's the difference between pick and choose? Pick is when you make a decision about something & Choose is what Puerto Rican women wear on their feet!

   Please don't BRO me, I am a single child and I'm white.

   almost had a psychic girlfriend but she dumped me before we ever met