minnie haha Funny Status Messages

   Just lit a cigarette off the stove...in case you were looking for someone with mad MacGyver skills.

   Tomato basil soup is just a fancy way to make people drink pizza sauce.

   I remember the first guy who broke my heart. Well look at me now, Jason! I talk about mundane stuff and drinking escapades to perfect strangers on the Internet. I got a lot going on, dude. You had your chance!

   Did I already do my deja vu joke?

   The Vatican removed Bishop Sicola from New York from the final candidate list for the papacy...... Apparently they thought it wouldn't seem proper to address the new pontiff as ''Pope-si-cola.''

   March isn't the only thing that comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb.

   Who needs beer goggles - I've got vodka binoculars.

   Apocalypse Update - Day 67: I should have bought more Febreeze for the bunker, dammit.

   I’m depressed and a bit humbled. I just found out Gorgonzola is a type of cheese, not a Japanese horror movie monster.

   In deference to any Chinese hackers who may looking at my posts: for the remainder of the evening, I will be using ROR (Raff out Roud) instead of LOL for your convenience. You’re welcome.

   Okay, so maybe practicing hypnotism in front of the mirror wasn't the smartest idea..

   Definitions: It is an "Asteroid" when traveling through space. It becomes a "Meteor" once it enters Earth's atmosphere. It is a "Meteorite" once it hits the ground. And it is "holymotherofgodwhatthehelljusthappened?!?" if it hits anywhere near you.

   The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.

   Life is like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you have to stick your finger in a few before you find the one that's right for you.... and try to stay away from the ones that already have teethmarks in them....

   Valentine's Day is for lovers. Or for people like us who will celebrate anything as long as there's slutty lingerie and saturated fats involved.

   Google... sqrt(cos(x))*cos(300x)+sqrt(abs(x))-0.7)*(4-x*x)^0.01, sqrt(6-x^2), -sqrt(6-x^2) from -4.5 to 4.5

   Happy Mardi Gras! Laissez les bon temps Roule! And hopefully, when you wake up you don’t discover a Tattoo of "Beignets Rule" on your a$$.....do not ask me how I know this.

   Quick! When the hunky bartender gets the security guard and points at you; that means he's interested right? I think I’m going to drink for free the rest of the night...

   So, the Pope is resigning, eh? Perhaps I shouldn't have poked him so many times....but, in fairness - HE started that poke war to begin with.

   I came across a show called "It's Me or the Dog"......I gotta say that I was immensely disappointed when I found that it wasn't a game show where people had to guess who farted...