hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   Showing your love used to be buying them flowers or writing a poem. Now it's just looking at them for 5 minutes without checking your phone.

   Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.

   Does Facebook have a "You're not smart enough to be talking about politics" button?

   What I know about you has earned my attention. What I don't know about you is what makes you interesting.

   Your bedazzled iphone lets me know the music in it sucks.

   I have 4 missed calls from my mom. A rescue team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting in my underwear on my couch eating cheetos any minute now.

   What's it called when you can't commit to a girl for more than a month but you've been using the same brand toothpaste for 15 years?

   My level of lazy is that I don't think house arrest would be that bad.

   Right before I left the house my wife asked me if I filled out my organ donor information and now I'm hesitant to start the car.

   I used to be a people person, but apparently collecting people in your basement is frowned upon.

   Since I'm so good at failing to fullfill my resolutions, this year my resolutions are to be unhealthy, avoid the gym, pay my bills late and have more sex with ugly girls.

   Started off 2013 right by hitting the gym bright and early, mainly because they wouldn't cancel my membership over the phone.

   I've counted 8 people so far whose New Year's resolutions include "loose weight". Can I add spelling to your list too?

   The best stories ever told always end with the words"...and then I got the hell out of there."

   If anyone ever moans about you leaving a pile clothes on the floor, just tell them it's a dead Jedi.

   Just played the board game Clue, The "Who killed music" version. Well turns out it was Nicki Minaj, in the studio, with a microphone.

   Hey teenage girls, Santa saw your facebook. Now you're only getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas.

   In my darker moments I despair over the injustices I will never be able to stop. Greed. Hunger. Plague. Here Comes Honey-boo-boo

   Every Taylor Swift song sounds like a long drawn out Facebook status

   Santa is really going to love the cookies he gets from Colorado and Washington this year..