ZINC Funny Status Messages

   I've survived enough awkward high-fives to know they're not worth the risk

   I've probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator

   you deserve more than a guy who wears t-shirts with "witty" sayings that he bought from jcpenney.

   who needs people when you got pizza

   If God wanted us to save money for retirement he wouldn't have invented online shopping

   It's so cold you'd rather listen to Bieber than walk outside

   It's so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball

   I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...

   I don't make annoying passive aggressive statuses, unlike some people I know.

   Don't think of it as 5-day-old pizza you found in the fridge, think of it as...pizza jerky.

   If only these walls could talk -- then I wouldn't be drinking all by myself.

   You offer someone a sincere compliment on their moustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore?

   I don't have an entitlement problem. I have a problem with not getting everything I want out of life.

   Call me old fashioned, but on some nights there's nothing quite like curling up next to my kindle fire with a good eBook.

   █████████████████████ Take that prism!

   I just bought a fridge magnet and it's working great. I have 10 fridges so far.

   I cut myself while shaving today, because who has time to do both?

   I always chase joggers with my car to motivate them.

   A woman can be satisfied with 3 inches.. it doesn't matter if it's Visa or MasterCard.

   Poor (adj.) When you have too much month at the end of your money