Prince Shawn Funny Status Messages

   assumes "don't try this at home" really means do it at a friend's house or when your parents aren't around.

   has never been able to watch Finding Nemo all the way through in one sitting due to it's frequent use of the "N" word.

   Sex on a cruise ship means the ocean does all the work. Ocean sex rules!!! Go to hell land sex!!!

   a fun afternoon planned. Will be playing "Duck, duck, goose" with actual ducks and geese followed by few games of Chinese Checkers against actual Chinese people.

   would probably be classified as a lesbian if it was only based on how much you enjoy eating muffins and cookies.

   likes to start every first date by saying "If this goes well, we might have a baby in 9 months".

   Being good at spelling is like knowing how to draw a really cool dragon. Unless you are a tattoo artist, no one cares. Skin doesn't auto correct!

   didn't take sex ed growing up and had to figure things out on his own ...with a can of Crisco and a shot glass. That's the natural way!

   Two things some people can't live without, God and the internet, are everywhere and all-knowing. But only one of them gives you naked woman anytime you want.

   wonders what guys did before baseball was created to tell how far they had gone with a girl.

   there is nothing worse than a woman coming up with a nickname for your junk, getting confused and calling it Dad.

   a great way to get over someone: plan ahead. Make a list of their faults so if you breakup you can console yourself with their many weaknesses.

   likes to pretend he is in a parade when he is stuck in traffic.

   jealous of his parents because he will never have a kid as awesome as theirs.

   wishes exercising was just as easy to do as eating is.

   A picture is like a thousand words so if your profile photo is bad, it's like reading the word ugly a thousand times.

   Sex, Food, Sleep, & Poops. General male happiness depends on how good these 4 things are at any given time.

   I once asked an old man: Which is more important to love or to be loved? He replied: which is more important to a bird, the left wing or the right wing?

   When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say..

   Life has no remote. You have to get up and change it yourself.