Nobody Funny Status Messages

   I GOT ALL KINDS OF B1TCHES!!! German shepards, chihuahuas, dobermans, poodles...

   There's a difference between being funny and being annoying.

   I'm one boob, you're the other boob and together...we're Breast friends.

   Sometimes Karma takes way too long. I would rather beat the crap out of you NOW!

   I didn't text you. Vodka texted you.

   Rearrange the letters to spell an important part of the human body that is most useful when erect: PNESI [A. spine]

   2013. The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section to the comedy section.

   I woke up one day and your name just didn't make me smile anymore.

   There's an evil intention behind every gallon of gas.

   My greatest fear on Monday is greeting someone and asking someone how their weekend went and they actually telling me every mundane details about it.

   My dad used to beat me with a camera. I still get flash backs.

   Sexual pleasure (When done right) is a passion to which all others are subordinate, but in which they all unite.

   You know society is screwed up when a 10-year-old girl worries more about her weight than where her friends are hiding.

   It's always "going to be okay" when it's not happening to you.

   I only live for two reasons: 1. I was born 2. I ain't dead yet

   If I had an Australian Accent I would never shut up

   Every so often I like to stick my head out the window and look up and smile for a satellite picture.

   We are all born sexual creatures; it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift. ~ Marilyn Monroe

   Facebook's been down for 15 minutes and I'm freaking out because I don't know if anyone's having babies, eating food, or sad about work.

   In my dream, I was just about to have sex with Meagan Fox, but my alarm went off. You can say I got clock blocked.