Jbabcock Funny Status Messages

   Hugh Hefner has totally ruined blond jokes for me. Inside of every blond joke there's a Hugh Hefner joke dying to be told.

   I see dead people.......a lot easier since I started using my Bushnell 3200 Tactical Elite rifle scope.

   It's a grill kind of day!! I'm an Omnivore however in a gesture of sensitivity to Vegans everywhere, today I'm only gonna eat vegetarian animals .

   WESTBORO BAPTIST'S: Military Funeral Protesters who'll one day bring their glowing personalities and heartwarming words to the Nether-Regions they'll share with other sincere folks like Hitler, Dahmer, Gacy, and Jack the Ripper.

   Roger Ebert called. He's giving your online performance of "The Worlds Biggest A$$hole" two enthusiastic thumbs up. Way up.

   I just heard Alicia Silverstone had a son and named it Bear Blu. Now I wonder if it's mere coincidence that she starred in Clueless.

   Referring back to one of my earlier posts I'm pretty sure I could eat a couple of bowls of Alpha-Bits Cereal and poop out better Rap Lyrics than what's in most Soulja Boy Rap Songs.

   What do I say to some poor schmuck who tells me he can out insult me on line? Nothing. I have a hard time talking while laughing hysterically.

   I'm not surprised when I see some poor coward insult me online anonomously. What's surprising is that he could pull himself away from his Post T Vac and his new episode of "Toddlers and Tiaras" long enough to type something intelligible.

   Don't sweat it when an Anonomous Cyber Bully says something insulting or points out your blunders online. Fact is that most of us could eat a can of Alphabet Soup and sh!t better responses than their posts which is what they hide from in the 1st place.

   Wow Pepsi didnt put "Under God" on their new Pledge of Allegiance Can. They don't want to offend any one with the phrase. Well Pepsi I promise not to give you any coins or bills with "In God We Trust" on them. I dont want to offend you or anything.

   It's amazing how many girls are lured into the world of Adult Entertainment. I guess the old saying is true: "There's a sucker born every minute."

   Why does anyone want to go to Hell in a handbasket? Everyone whose ever been to the Supermarket knows that using a Shopping Cart would be so much better.

   Never stop trying. I mean the dude who first said "Face the Music" wasn,t near as successful with his other phrases like "Mouth the Calligraphy", "Armpit the Lyrics", and "Nostril the Poetry" but you didn't see him quit did you?

   Do Lesbians like to be eaten out of house and home?

   It cracks me up that most people who say "you don't know sh!t from Shinola" don't know what hell Shinola is in the first place.

   A true pervert can tell always tell you about the hottest centerfold that he has ever come across.

   I think the phrase "Cop an Attitude" is totally ironic considering most cops I've ever come across have sh*tty attitudes.

   They tried to throw a surprise birthday party for me with fun games but someone let the cat out of the bag. All was not lost however because they left the other cat in the Pinata.

   I wonder if Professional Boxers ever tell their friends that they are "as pleased as punch."