Eddy Funny Status Messages

   I need a meeting with Zuckerberg cause I don't get enough "likes"

   transparent- noun, when your child is transgender, you are their transparent

   I have a friend who can tap dance backwards. His name is Pat

   insider trading tip...tomorrow's Energizer & Duracell stocks go down some

   happy vALONEtine's day to the single people

   some days you're the statue, some days you're the pigeon

   someone from Egypt sent me an e-mail asking me to wire them money. I think it was a pyramid scheme

   am I watching The Weather Channel or Game of Thrones? it looks like winter is coming

   I still don't know why Microsoft put a talking paper clip in Microsoft Office instead of a talking ink pen they could call your "pen pal"

   my New Year's resolution is to exercise (my right to be lazy)

   asked Alexa "why is my wife such a b!@#$" & Alexa replied "id rather not answer" ...these computers really are smart

   If I get addicted to eating cold turkey, idk how i'm going to quit

   the dentist says I need a crown. I'm like "I know, right? "

   before you know it, Amazon workers will be making Prime money

   look on the bright side...Bill Cosby is gonna get a lot of Jell-o

   I don't have any Emmys but I Have 2 Grammys ....they're both dead

   I already have a "fear" book...my old yearbook

   when a friend messages you a GIF image for your birthday, is that a birthday GIFt ?

   Where do I sign up for the Space Force? I've heard "not if you were the last guy on Earth" so space is still hopeful

   when 1 of my lenses fall out, I like to think of the glasses as half full