@UncleBSolomon Funny Status Messages

   They say 50% of #status updates are written while sitting on the #toilet That's why I don't buy used mobile #phones .

   ¡¡¡¡ǝʞɐʇsıɯ ʎq pɹɐoqʎǝʞ uɐılɐɹʇsnɐ ɐ ʇɥƃnoq ı dlǝɥ

   An #Asian in charge of #Transportation? Plus also being #female? I plead the 5th on the grounds of making people mad with the joke I have.

   Nothing puts me into the #Christmas spirit like #shopping. On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prancer, On VISA.

   I try to live an #adventurous life but its hard to do it with $17 disposable #income a week.

   It is just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.

   I saved $983.54 on Black Friday. I stayed home watched TV and didn't shop.

   For all you #single people: Time to start thawing the #Thanksgiving hot dogs

   At the Dr. office today. Either someone is wearing cotton candy scented lotion or a #unicorn peed in this corner.

   I've always wanted to be one of those people who laughs all the way to the #bank, instead of one who cries every time he leaves.

   My neighbor finally put up his #Christmas lights today. I bet he's mad that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.

   Being know as a instigator, I'm gonna add "Being thankful we survived Obama' to the thanksgiving blessing just to get the fun going.

   New study finds that everyone you disagree with is are stupid.

   12 years of school, 4 years of college; so now I can type "c you @ 2" #reallife

   #marriage Girls are never wrong. Until they are. Then they cry and are, somehow, not wrong again.

   I watched Bugs, Popeye, and the Roadrunner every day when growing up. This nation is the beacon for the world. Kids today watch cartoons with 0 violence and need safe zone. I fear the future.

   Bi-polar Wednesday - that day where you teeter between, "Woo Hoo, the week is half over" and *tear*, "the week is only half over.

   I'd give five bucks to hear First lady Melania say, "Moose and Squirrel".

   Just saw a bumper sticker saying, "My Lab is smarter than your Honor Student" I may not be worldly, but I have never seen an Honor Student jump from an open car window and chase a squirrel through a busy intersection.

   A wife is like a box of chocolates, you never know which of her multiple moods you're going to get, you just better act like you love it.