father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   I have to be careful with my kids when I talk about the death of their father. It's a sensitive subject and I don't want them warning him.

   Father's Day must be the most confusing day in the ghetto.

   Huge spoiler here....... Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. I know, right?!?!?

   "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been..." "Ma'am, please just vote and exit the booth!

   "Luke, I am your father." - Darth Vader, after Luke won the lottery.

   Taking care of your drunk friends inadvertently prepares you to be a father or mother.

   Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been 35 years since my last confession, and I only ended up here because I thought it was the bathroom...Amen

   A lot of people don't realize that Shania Twain's father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.

   Women are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."

   If you look in the mirror & say Candyman 3 times, my father will appear & tell you that you're getting fat.

   Father's Day....the most confusing day in the ghetto.

   Well I guess Caitlyn Jenner missed out on both Mother and Father's Day this year....

   Happy Father's Day, God!

   Happy Father's Day, Bruce Jenner!

   What an idiot that Maury is, inviting me onto his "Father's Day DNA special"..... I don't even have any kids.

   Happy Father's Day, Caitlyn Jenner!!!!

   It's almost noon and still nobody has peeled me a grape. Worst. Father's Day. Ever.

   I'm not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.

   Star Wars (1977) An epic tale of a pair of gay robots teamed up with incestous siblings to help them destry their father's midlife crisis toy.

   With summer in full swing and Father's Day just 41 days away, CVS in Baltimore has all of your sunscreen and Father's Day card needs covered.