Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sorry about the texts I sent you last night.... My phone was drunk.

   I thought LL in LL Cool J meant :adies Love....it obviously means "Lip Licker" cuz that's all he does after he finishes a sentence!! Gotta love the Grammy's!!

   If I give you a straw, will you go suck the fun outta someone elses life?!

   Mondays are Sundays poop

   Who let Tony Bennett out of the nursing home?

   Skrillex looks like Darlene from Rosanne #GRAMMYs

   my dads a math professor and he staples taco bell applications on failed tests

   The best part of the Grammys was Justin Bieber not performing

   Lady GaGa looks like tuna in a net

   You don't have to like me, I'm not a Facebook status...

   I wish Beyonce & Jay-Z would get on stage and present their baby to the world like Mufasa did in the Lion King.

   its sad that the teenagers born after 93... Will never get to truely remember Whitney Houston..

   This new episode of The Walking Dead is awesome!! The Celebrity Cameos are too many to count! I wonder why they called this episode "The Grammys"?

   Drinks: $80. Dinner: $75. The room: $250. The look on his face when she says "I'm on my period": Priceless.

   Its kinda awkward seeing Chris Brown dance around after seeing him naked...

   WTH is Lady GaGa wearing? A bug zapper on her face?

   "I warned her.." -courtney love

   My wife's always walking into things and getting hurt. Yesterday it was our bedroom while I was fu*king her sister.

   The new Season of 'Walking Dead' premiers tonight. I will be watching it instead of the Grammy's. Not as many zombies....

   I can already hear Monday morning whispering Go F***Yourself in my ear.