Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Tragedy strikes Honah Lee, Puff the Magic Dragon was found dead by the sea. Not a good start to the year of the dragon.

   I must have been extreme snoring last night. I woke up this morning and my uvula was on the ceiling.

   biggest lie women tell: be honest, I wont get mad

   Here's an idea on how our Government function....Democrat stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the Republican stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SH!TT!ER!!'

   Behind every successful status update there is : Ctrl+C & Ctrl+V

   I hate when I'm texting in class and someone stupid screams, "IS That A Phone"

   I love how people always say they hate drama, yet they're constantly posting their drama on Facebook!

   When I cross a one way road, I still look both sides... . . Just in case there are any women driving

   Subway should have their 6 inch subs on a promotional sale @ 1/2 the cost of the 12inch.. They could have Tupac and Fiftyy cent sing it for them... Tu-Fitty, Tu-Fitty, Tu-Fitty six long!

   please cover your mouth when you're talking to me. I think you have stupid and I don't wanna catch it.

   OMG = Obama Must Go

   Fat chicks are like a moped, fun as hell until someone catches you on one...

   You and your rumors have two things in common: you're both fake and you both get around.

   I hear facebook is going to force everyone to use the new timeline. I don't think I really want to be able to go back on my posts and see how many times I had a bowel movement or sharted myself. I have skeletons in the closet to clean out!!

   Forgot to go too the gym today. That's 3 years in a row

   I love when people hurt your feelings on purpose.. Then yell j/k as they walk away...

   Today is the national change your profile picture to a picture of you picking your nose. all the cool kids are doing it. Leave your nosepicking picture up til the super bowl. copy and paste this to your profile after you change your pic!

   You ever wanted to yell at people on facebook for saying and posting stupid things? I kind of do. I need a vacation from my vacation...HAH!

   I do push ups with my eyebrows, don't be hatin!!

   when on a cooking show I think it would be funny if after the food is cooked and they take a bite, somebody spits it out and yells, "that is disgusting!"