Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 395 of 6383
You'll never hear the phrase "It's time to separate the men from the boys" in a Catholic church.
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06-05-2020 12:53
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Giving my liver a Rocky Balboa style pep talk for the upcoming weekend.
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06-05-2020 12:53
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Keep your Glenns Close and your Glennemies Closer
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06-05-2020 12:49
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I couldn’t sleep because the neighbor’s dog was barking so I went next door and told her, she says I have cheesecake and I could no longer hear the dog barking.
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06-05-2020 11:39
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The date was going splendidly until my mom called and we argued over my curfew in front of her.
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06-05-2020 11:16
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I wouldn’t say my husband and I are competitive but we do play a very cutthroat version of name that tune anytime a song comes on.
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06-05-2020 10:45
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I’d exercise more often if running didn’t spill the whiskey in my glass.
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06-05-2020 10:44
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Cant we have a cage match
Antifa vs, KKK
instead of riots?
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06-05-2020 10:43
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we are making money again... markets are going up up up
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06-05-2020 10:17
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two babies starting a true crime podcast about who got their nose
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06-05-2020 09:17
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soup was invented in 1927 by John Soup when he wanted to drink a chicken
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06-05-2020 09:17
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Cheesecake Factory to start reopening restaurants but they will only have a limited 413-page menu.
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06-05-2020 08:30
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I miss going to weddings just to bring home the centerpieces.
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06-05-2020 08:30
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My stomach is upset but my kidneys are just disappointed
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06-05-2020 08:29
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I tossed my billiard table into the bathtub. Now I have a swimming pool.
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06-05-2020 08:28
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World’s Most Dangerous Bees 6. Honey 5. Killer 4. Fris 3. Hucka 2. Zom 1. Apple
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06-05-2020 08:28
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The key to a really good breakup is just to think “What would Meg Ryan do?” Sure, you’ll still be a sad, sniffling, anxious mess, but now you’ll be an adorable, sad, sniffling anxious mess.
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06-05-2020 08:27
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People who confuse the word "burro" with "burrow" don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.
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06-05-2020 08:22
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I drive more safely when there's food in the passenger seat than when there's a person sitting there...
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06-05-2020 08:17 by Gabe
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Before you come out to the country, remember we'll sit in a tree all day waiting to kill something.
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06-05-2020 08:08
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