Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you ain't vaxxed, don't be jamming up our hospitals with your dumb ass. You ride that sh*t out at home with your Hannity and your horse meds.

   weight loss tip: when ordering a pizza have it delivered to someone else's address

   The Disney Channel should be renamed "Celebrity Prehab."

   Daylight Saving Time.....Sheesh. Gimme a break. Know what? I give it eight months.

   If Cookie Monster loved cookies so much, he sure did waste a lot while eating them. I need to know.

   it’s 2025. why do we not have caffeinated mashed potatoes yet?

   Pickles are great..until you’re in one.

   “I never go through the express lane when I exceed the product number limit” -me, flirting

   F*** friends with benefits, give me bedable arrangements.

   Red states are much poorer than blue states. Because blue states are educated. And red states are full of morons.

   Right now, is the first time in human history that anyone anywhere on the planet can use the words "he's a f**king idiot" and everyone else knows exactly who they're talking about.

   This administration is going to be looked at as the worst administration in the history of the United States. The entire country is being laughed at, and it's become a complete embarrassment

   messageicon This administration is going to be looked at as the worst administration in the history of the United States. The entire country is being laughed at, and it's become a complete embarrassment

   This administration is going to be looked at as the worst administration in the history of the United States. The entire country is being laughed at, and it's been, complete embarrassment

   Donald Trump is an idiot

   I hate it when I lose my black friend in the hood.

   I don't want to be a millionaire. I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping my gas.

   NOTHING says "party of the everyman" quite like two born-to-riches nepo baby billionaire douchbags selling $80,000 cars on the White House lawn.

   Marriage tip: If your wife cooks, make sure the smoke detector has good batteries in it!

   It takes a very special idiot to drive the worlds largest economy off a cliff in 7 weeks