Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 389 of 6383
Who has the guts to tell Shaquille O’Neal that the General has been seen riding around with Snoop Dogg?
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06-22-2020 16:23 by Lonnie
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What about the red door ? Do you still want it painted black ?
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06-22-2020 15:23
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I'd like to take a moment to congratulate the Ieft on their conquering 2 cartoons, a box of pancake mix and a bottle of syrup.
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06-22-2020 08:54 by Fazzy
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Excuse me, but does this sumo wrestler costume make me look fat?
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06-22-2020 07:56
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Keep a prayer on your lips and a pistol on your hips. It's not going to get better anytime soon.
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06-21-2020 23:02
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Due to social correctness, BIack Sabbath will now be called, "A Dark Shade Of The Day Of Rest."
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06-21-2020 20:30 by Fazzy
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Some people are like bees. They bring honey, but they also sting. 🐝
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06-20-2020 20:30 by Fazzy
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My super power is picking up all the laundry in one arm then bending over for 5 minutes picking up that one sock that keeps falling out.
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06-19-2020 13:18
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I’m starting a protest tomorrow. Fat Lives Matter! Meeting at McDonald’s at 10, then KFC at 11 then Burger King at 12
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06-19-2020 13:03
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Bought some glass parts for my chandelier today and got shortchanged. I told him to check his crystal math.
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06-19-2020 11:41
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So, how's that "I wouldn't live anywhere else" thing working out for you New Yorkers?
Now that I’m 40, I’ve had to change my safe word to ‘my knees! my knees!’
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06-19-2020 08:34
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Now is the worst possible time to catch someone’s drift.
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06-19-2020 08:34
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Today my husband ate margarine with a spoon. Long story short, I’m unable to see a future with him. We had a good run.
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06-19-2020 08:33
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I like to refer to what gravity has done to my body as the rise and fall of the Roman Empire.
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06-19-2020 08:31
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My dog peed in his pool and then laid down in it and I thought that was awful until I remembered my last trip to the lake.
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06-19-2020 08:30
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My 72 year-old mother just informed me she is going to her first “sex party” and doesn’t know what to bring. After some delicate questioning, “Gender Reveal, Mom. It’s called a Gender Reveal.”
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06-19-2020 08:30
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Not to brag but I can keep up with the fast part of the chicken dance…
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06-19-2020 08:29
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Look, all I know is none of this sh*t was going on when Mtv still played music videos.
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06-19-2020 08:28
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My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown. He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.
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06-19-2020 08:28
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