Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I cut my foot and its turning black now, thanks to Mr. Deeds I know this is gonna be cool. If not, I'll go see Dr. Pepper

   i think chubby chasers are just lazy people, I mean...really, how far is this 'chase'

   running on pills and luck

   looks like I'm having pie all day....Thanks to 3-14 or 3.14

   rode into town on my horse. not worth it, I had to pick up his poo with a snow shovel and a hefty bag.

   signed up for the wrong college courses... apparently I'm a rhinocologist..

   toooo many Debbie Downers on facebook...wah, my life sucks, wah, my husband died ,wah, I burned dinner...

   I use sarcasm because beating the crap out of people is in fact frowned upon in most societies

   Happy "Steak and BJ Day". I'll take both well done.

   Gettin really tired of you emotional women on facebook. Stick some cotton in your crotch, eat a tub of ice cream, curl up to your body pillow, STFU and go to sleep

   Search engine guide: BING = "But It's Not Google!" , YAHOO = "You Always Have Other Option" , GOOGLE = "Great Omnipotent Optimal Guide to Lots of Everything".

   When I was a kid I loved the game kerplunk. Now I play everyday with the insane amt of clutter in my house

   Who are your favorite underground artists?? Mine are Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston

   On a scale 1 to Adele, how tough was your breakup?

   Fixin' to do some mechanic work... Have a rear end to put in my recliner!

   Tomorrow is Steak and BJ Day. I won't be celebrating. It's not like anyone would treat me to Steak and Berry Juice anyway...

   I eat Burger King at every whoppertunity

   I came home drunk last night and my wife looks at me says"Drunk Again" and I said "Me Too!!

   Reenacting scenes from Platoon with Charlie Sheen...

   Rearrange these words: 1) PNEIS 2) HTILER 3) NGGERI 4) BUTTSXE Did you read..........Spine, Lither, Ginger and Subtext?