Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   I bought a bag of air that contained some chips

   We now live in a time where people choose their insurance providers based on who's TV commercial is funnier

   "What did he say?" "Who is she?" "What just happened?" (Repeat 30 times and you just watched a movie with my mom)

   If you even suspect someone has been stung by a jellyfish -don't ask- just pee on them. You might save a life.

   Our new dog is going to be the *best* watchdog if a vacuum cleaner ever breaks into the house.

   I like to go into a fitting room, wait for ten minutes and then yell out "Hey, there's no toilet paper in here!"

   The first thing you should do when a cop asks you to get out of your car is tickle him, just to find out if he's really "all business".

   Just once I would like to see some creativity and have a meeting done with interpretive dance instead of powerpoint

   You'd think a community activist would have a better handle on the economy by now.

   It would be much easier to get around town, if the highway wasn't jammed with broken heroes, on a last chance power drive.

   Just once I'd like to read that someone died after a long battle with goblins or trolls.

   If every nerd donated a dollar toward construction of a Millenium Falcon, we'd all be making the Kessel Run by May.

   If you want to see how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they're already mad.

   If I ever write thanks as thx you have full permission to smack me.

   When I can't get an automatic faucet to turn on, I achieve a whole new level of low self esteem.

   I don't have regrets, I have times I was "just bein' Miley."

   Nobody knows the person you no longer want to be like your family.

   So far, my resolution to teach the dog Tai Chi is much more difficult than you would think.

   All grocery store bathrooms are required by law to look like the set of one of the "Saw" movies.

   My mind likes to mess with me just before sleeping. Last night I wondered what if dolls contained lost souls. Sitting there, watching, waiting, thinking....Dolls