Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Nicki Minaj shut down her twitter account saying “A voice in my head told me to delete my Twitter and that's what I did,”Can that same voice tell Justin Bieber to do it also..

   I didnt know that world peace meant elbows to the head...

   If you ever actually see me smiling at my desk it means I'm stretching out my genit@ls into different animal shapes.

   My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.

   you know....they say one in every four men are gay....so there must be one in my group of friends.....I hope it's Michael, 'cuz he's super cute....

   I'm the kind of person that laughs at my own status updates before I post them... because i'm just too damn funny!

   the fact that she loves anal is awesome...I just wish she'd layoff the hot peppers!

   Man-Flu is more painfull than childbirth. This is a scientific fact*. *(based on a survey of over 100,000 men.)

   People say that my analogies are as bad as a candle on a forklift.

   James Harden's head trying to hurt Metta World Peace by hitting him in the elbow was just uncalled for!

   Dogs are tough I tell you...... I've been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who is a good boy.

   Did you know if you watch Twilight backwards, it's still sh!t?

   Oops, Accidentally bumped into my neighbour's car....... With a baseball bat and a claw hammer.

   Women are as horny as men; they just hide their b0ners better.

   Alcohol is like a push-up bra for your personality.

   You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.

   You don't lose weight; you get rid of it, unless you intend on finding it again.

   Do you want to speak to the manager or someone who knows whats going on?

   Does anyone really "Laugh Out Loud" when they write LOL?

   Girls if you are looking for your superman.. go read a comic