Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ‎"Entertainment News" is a strange way to spell gossip.

   when someone says "no offense".. prepare to be offended

   A woman is like a wine: the less classy, the more you can see its box

   Did you know ?? If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.... Medical fact.

   I'm no architect,,, but I DON'T think it's possible to build a city on rock and roll.

   Hey,,,,Can any of you people possibly recommend 30 or 40 books on hoarding?

   Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have 5 fingers And the middle one's for YOU.,

   Keep me in mind. Somewhere down the road you might get lonely.

   As a Truck Driver, let me say after several days of mid 90 degree temps, beaver season is in full swing.

   You know sex is on the menu when she slingshots her bra across the room.

   Gals, if you take a shower with your boyfriend, by the time you get out, your boobs will be sparkling clean.

   A ‘bad' woman is exciting and she's the kind of woman a man never gets tired of being around.

   No one man has done more to bring peace to mankind than the inventor of coffee.

   In life, people who deserve nothing usually end up getting everything.

   I'm getting a seeing eye dog and never looking up from my phone again.

   I've got a time machine. I get in and it takes me seven hours into the future. I call it… bed.

   The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn't enough

   Even if women came with directions, you still wouldn't read them.

   Good things come to those who wait... but great things come to those who don't just sit around waiting for sh!t to happen.

   A realtor called asking if I'm interested in selling my house. I'm interested in my neighbour selling his so I booked him an appointment.