Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 356 of 6383
People who find your stuff, then claim it’s theirs: 1. Colonialists 2. Sisters
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09-13-2020 07:01
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Gonna crash a tanker full of pink oil into a delicate coral reef for my next gender reveal party.
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09-13-2020 05:36
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I'm so old I just sit around and look at Facebook all day.... like younger people do nowadays.
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09-12-2020 22:25 by moon
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The human mind and spirit seek answers revealed in truth, yet ultimately find little more than contradictions, falsehoods and lies.
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09-12-2020 20:48 by Fazzy
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After six months of listening to people talk with masks on, I finally understand what Charlie Brown’s teacher was saying
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09-12-2020 20:46
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It's no longer 5:00 somewhere. It's 2020 everywhere. Drink whenever the hell you want.
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09-12-2020 09:00
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Well, Dwayne Johnson has COVID. Coronavirus really hit Rock Bottom.
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09-12-2020 07:55 by DaWorb
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If 2020 was a drink, I'm thinking it would be a Colonoscopy Prep.
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09-12-2020 07:55 by DaWorb
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SYNONYM [Noun] A word used in a place of the one you can't spell.
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09-12-2020 07:54 by DaWorb
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To the person who invented zero, thanks for nothing.
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09-12-2020 07:53 by DaWorb
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If you’re driving down the road alone with your gloves and mask on, you don’t need that Biden sticker. We already know.
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09-11-2020 23:49
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In high school I tried using anonymous sources instead of real citations. This was not allowed, because I was a ninth grader and not a journalist.
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09-11-2020 14:54
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Here we go. Everyone on FB is making 911 all about themselves. "Hey, don't forget me!" SMH.
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09-11-2020 07:37
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Why am I sleeping on the couch? well lets put it this way she caught me talking on the phone last night and it was not Jake from State farm
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09-11-2020 01:52 by smeebert
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If a young couple lose their virginity at a KFC, do they now have Colonel knowledge of each other?
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09-10-2020 23:09
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I do all my own stunts but not intentionally.
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09-10-2020 17:33
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If we could harness the fake enthusiasm put towards wishing people a happy birthday on Facebook, we could power half the planet.
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09-10-2020 16:18
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Social distancing has taken all the fun out of avoiding people.
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09-10-2020 16:17
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Don't come to me for advice. We'll just end up at the liquor store...
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09-10-2020 12:20 by Gabe
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Ah doan care what any of y'all say, ain't no man likes a tattoo on da tiddy.
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09-10-2020 08:54
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