Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sometimes, when I haven't had sex for a while, I like to go jogging in flip flops so I remember the sound.

   I could never cheat in a relationship, cuz that would require two women to find ne attractive.

   The bad thing about political jokes is sometimes they get elected. . .

   Some fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..." Others begin with "If elected, I promise..."

   How Dawn clean ducks but not my spaghetti bowl??

   Why do we only rest in peace? Why don't we live in peace too?

   How many rounds of the vaccine do you need before you can stop wearing the tinfoil hat?

   What if you take Johnson & Johnson, Pfizer, and Moderna at the same time and just let them fight it out inside you?

   147 mass shootings in US already this year: let's make it easier to buy guns....2 cases of voter fraud in 2020: let's make it harder to vote (rolls eyes back).

   It's sad when I watch the news and the Weatherman is the one closet to the truth...

   Matt Gaetz says "I'm there, before the hair".

   Bruh. This pollen aint got no business seasoning us like we chicken.

   The only thing you can believe from CNN, MS-NBC, ABC, CBS, NBC and WaPo that resembles accurate and factual reporting are yesterday's sports scores.

   I and my friends happened to be viewing the excellent points found on the blog and all of a sudden developed a horrible feeling I had not thanked the web site owner for those techniques. These men had been for that reason passionate to read them and have

   The best thing about dating a homeless woman is that you can drop her off anywhere.

   Witnesses says that Gaetz acted like a party frat boy. I wonder which frat hose he belonged to? Imma tappa minor?

   There is so much misplaced anger in this world. And so much of it is aimed at Brussels sprouts. Sad.

   As someone who got the J&J shot last week, so far my only side effect has been the ability to control geese with my mind

   If the Powerball has taught me anything, it’s how to turn $200 into $4.

   It's scary when the weatherman is the closest one on the news now to telling the truth now.