Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   Hamburger Helper can only help the hamburger that wants help.

   Can't wait to see "The Lorax"! Finally, a movie answers the age old question: What if Wilford Brimley was orange?

   If I ever go on "Wheel of Fortune," I'm going to buy all the vowels, then give them to poor kids in Africa

   Does anyone have a llama guy? I need a llama. I'll explain later

   If you bite the inside of your mouth by accident, you should be allowed to fire a shotgun at an old bus till you feel better.

   “Fine, sure, go ahead. Weird, but I like it.” (God greenlighting the duck-billed platypus)

   You would have thought that the Mexican Mafia would have done something about Taco Bell by now.

   There's a special place in hell for murderers and the guy who decided what time breakfast ends at McDonalds.

   I'm beginning to have serious doubts that anyone ever called Steve Miller "the space cowboy."

   I don't like war either but let's all admit that peace has way fewer cool explosions.

   Somebody needs to invent a way to punch another person in the throat via Internet.

   Look, I'm not saying the creators of yogi bear stole the idea but I am constantly bragging about how I'm smarter than the average bear. Coincidence??

   "For every hostage you send out, I'll give you one hug." - lonely negotiator

   When are they going to air the commercial where the recipient of a car in a giant ribbon says, “A LEXUS! We can't afford this, you idiot.”?

   To treat a patient in a coma, I believe that you could play an LMFAO song nearby and the patient would have to wake up to turn it off.

   I've often wondered, what do people in China call their good plates?

   I think the ultimate test of being funny would be making a bailiff laugh out loud in a courtroom.

   Life is unpredictable. Just when you think you've got enough lotion on your skin, you may just get the hose again.

   "Chickpeas? Chick, please! Check please!" - guy who hates garbanzo beans complaining to waitress about how she brought him garbanzo beans

   "Don't call me old fashioned or i'll be forced to pummel you in a rousing bout of fisticufs"