Funny Status Messages

   I quit my job as a treadmill tester. I just felt like I wasn’t going anywhere.

   While we're on the subject. I am going to see a transgender male female stripper tonight. I'm confused now. . .

   A transgender wins women's lifting competition. Pathetic, that's not a woman.

   ничего особенного

   QAnon: because the Tea Party wasn't stupid enough.

   Why do all Queers talk like that? I mean all the Lesbians don't talk like a man... I don't get it. They must have something stuck in their mouth.

   Put the mosquitoes in charge of vaccine distribution do I have to think of everything around here

   I found a five dollar bill in the laundry and my credit score went up 12 points.

   Sex with me is like eating spaghetti with a spoon.

   Who would of thunk it folks, having a mask, rubber gloves, bleach and hand sanitizer is now acceptable to have in your vehicle.

   Bike Week is here at Daytona Beach. It's noisy and crazy! Speaking of noisy and crazy, next week is Tyke Week. It's a bunch of 5 year olds on Big Wheels driving on A1A hounding their moms for grilled cheese and putt putt golf.

   My wife gives me the speaking treatment.

   Married with Children was much funnier on TV.

   At some point, you’d think there’d be a governmental inquiry into the excessively high escape rate of Gotham City’s penitentiaries.

   Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

   A couple of million dollar ideas: 1) Boxers with pockets 2) A service that lets you throw a live shark from a speeding van

   Gwyneth Paltrow should invent a candle that smells like a brand new can of Play-Doh

   Life Coach: Get out there and show the world what you’re made of! Gingerbread Man: Not sure that’s a good idea.

   [first time at a rave] These M&Ms make my hair follicles feel weird

   Having this propane tank bounce around my floorboard is one way to work up a sweat on a chilly morning