Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 334 of 6383
yellow cars have the highest crash rate, according to a pole
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10-29-2020 11:02 by kip
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I invented the cold air balloon, but it never really took off
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10-29-2020 11:01 by kip
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I dont win marathons because I'm lucky, I win them because I'm driven
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10-29-2020 10:59 by kip
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When I cancelled my gym membership I had to submit a too weak notice
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10-29-2020 10:57 by kip
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I am having a weird day, first I found a hat full of money, then I got chased by a guy with a guitar.
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10-29-2020 09:07
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Anyone else feel like Halloween is unnecessary this year? I mean I’ve been wearing a mask and eating candy for the last seven months. I don’t think I need a day dedicated to it anymore.
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10-29-2020 09:06
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By their early thirties, the average person has unsubscribed from more email lists than they have days left to live.
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10-29-2020 07:27
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Told the guy at the polling station I was there for the Bon Jovi tickets. Without batting an eye he said, “Floor or mezzanine?”
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10-29-2020 07:26
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In high school I was voted class clown because I dragged like three kids into the sewer
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10-28-2020 16:10
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Since drinking hasn’t killed me yet, I can only assume it’s making me stronger...
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10-28-2020 16:06
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If you drop a cookie on the floor and bend down to pick it up does that count as a squat?
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10-28-2020 12:54 by moon
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"Welcome to my man cave". Proctologist: "Please stop calling it that"
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10-28-2020 12:44
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Went on a date last night and after it was over she said “Thank you for wearing a mask.” Honesty wasn’t sure how to take that. 😐
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10-28-2020 12:26 by ScottyGay
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Another problem with being ugly is people think you can fight
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10-28-2020 10:42
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I would probably be in a gang right now if I could stay up past 10pm.
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10-28-2020 07:52
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If you’re careful, you can eat an entire rack of ribs while taking a shower.
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10-28-2020 07:52
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That hospital class on parenting I took didn’t include enough wrestling tips.
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10-28-2020 07:51
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When the KFC chicken grease starts haunting your arteries its called Poultry Geist.
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10-28-2020 07:50
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We’re finally out of lockdown!!! Spare a thought for Melbourne waxing business on Wednesday morning. They gonna see some scary sh*t.
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10-28-2020 07:50
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I take my ibuprofen wrapped in cheese cause why should my dog have all the fun?
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10-28-2020 07:49
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