flinnie Funny Status Messages

   My Mama is gonna be so mad when she realizes how much drama I have saved for her.

   Weird to think we're just fifteen years away from Snooki being a grandmother

   It would be fun to replace every EXIT sign in the world with ones that said ESCAPE. Also, they should flicker ominously

   Hey Kermit, there aren't that many songs about rainbows.

   No matter what amazing things you accomplish or how fantastic you are, a cat will always think it is better than you.

   To pay for gas, I'm selling tickets that allow people to get lost in my eyes for 15 minutes.

   Teachers are a bad influence on our kids. For one thing, some of them are nearly 40 and still in the third grade.

   February was $5 footlong month and black history month. Who is the evil genius behind that?

   Proving other people wrong with your success is pretty selfish. Proving everyone else right by failing miserably shows you've got class

   The lengths I'm willing to go to avoid somebody I know in a supermarket could count as cardio.

   I'm not actually dangerously unbalanced. At most, I'm gracefully insane. I wouldn't have it any other way

   I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you're swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!

   I predict you'll be seeing a lot more people using pogo sticks, thanks to these gas prices

   People throw around the word "hero" too much. Use it for what it's for: a millionaire actor playing a disabled person.

   As soon as women see me, they want to get in shape to impress me. So they start running.

   My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.

   I wish I had a twin so I could have every other day off of work.

   Its original title was "Everybody Loves Raymond, except Neil Daughtery, the convenience store clerk He Stabbed in 1982."

   The phrase, "Don't take this the wrong way" has a zero percent success rate.

   Doing my best to, as the kids say: "keep it real." Or some such thing