doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   Every time I concentrate real hard, it starts to smell like incense.

   Sometimes when an attractive woman starts talking to me I forget how to speak and just start doing lunges.

   I'm laying on my Girlfriends yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I'm in "downward facing chalk outline" pose.

   My version of the hokey pokey doesn't include a lot of hokey.

   Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed

   I bet if you added them up Cher has had more surgeries than Chaz.

   I've learned that fights can always be avoided with a slow kiss of the forehead.

   Rough day. Truck broke down, went to find help, ended up in a human centipede.

   If you're homophobic, it's important to remember that they're more afraid of you than you are of them

   I am not a gynecologist, but I will give you some Frontline for that.

   Spent the last 40 mins. on the phone with my mother, regrettably the first rule of Zumba class is nothing like the first rule of Fight Club.

   I can act my age just fine, until you say something like "penal code".

   Of course someone else packed my bags for me. What am I a peasant?

   With show after show about it on the History Channel, I'm starting to think the Holocaust might have really happened.

   so...Is Will Smith movin' back in with his auntie and uncle in Bel-Air?

   Dear Jamie Lee "Stupid Liar Face" Curtis, I ate 32 Activia yogurts an hour ago and nothing has h

   "Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary!" - Sunday Brunch was delicious.

   My back just cracked to the beat of "The Rhythm is Gonna Get You". It finally got me...

   Wanna feel like a female porn star? Aggressively open a Yoplait under your nose.

   Stuttering's cool if you think of it as a drumroll for your sentence!