Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   You'll never meet anyone who's quietly in training for a charity run

   Amazing to think that I was once a helpless little baby but now I'm a giant helpless man

   I shaved my chest hair into a Superman "S". Ironically, I feel completely powerless and will probably endure a humiliating beatdown

   Whenever I see fire truck rushing somewhere in the rain, I'm confused as to how the sky didn't already do the job.

   Can't shake this headache. Perhaps the shaking isn't helping

   Online jokes have really suffered in this ecomedy. (exhibit A)

   Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood...

   When people say they can't do something because their hands are full I always hope their hands are full of twinkies.

   Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out

   I never make fun of kids for having imaginary friends because my imaginary dad would say "Knock if off".

   why is it a dog finds great joy sticking his head out of a car going 55mph, but if you blow in his face he'll try and kill you

   A fun way to freak out new parents on Facebook is to change your name to their baby's name & tag yourself in all of their baby's pictures.

   Never fails. Always behind the person filling out a mortgage at the ATM machine

   No one ever wants to hear monster mash this time of year

   Too many kids don't know what it's like to enjoy a book the old-fashioned way (watching the movie version on VHS the night before a test).

   "Just kidding!" is one of the biggest lies there is.

   A baggage carousel is the least fun carousel ever.

   You know how sometimes you accidentally drop food on the floor and eat it anyways? I just did that with soup

   Look, grocery store, if you're going to play Asia's "Heat of the Moment," there *will* be spontaneous produce aisle dancing.

   Remember when you thought you'd have it all together by the time you were the age you are now?