Doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   The first time sleeping over a girl's place is always awkward 'cause I have to explain who I am, how I got in, & why I'm crying...still single

   At the end of the day, I just want to be loved but at the beginning of the day, gotta get rif of this morning wood.

   It's ironic that there's only one I in Forest Whitaker.

   Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its a teabag

   what started out as a joke, ended up me sleeping on the stairs for 2 hours.

   It takes real courage to suck another man's c@ck. And any man who can do it can dern well defend the nation I love.

   Kansas "Dust in the Wind" came on the air while I was looking for a Frozen Dinner for ONE. God wants me Dead!

   I like Cee Lo's "Forget You," but it doesn't compare to N.W.A.'s "Forget Tha Police"

   I'm pretty awesome at tripping over stuff that isn't even there.

   COUGH! COUGH! Autoerotic asphyxiation is really hard to say five times fast with a belt around your neck.

   Wendy's idea of a medium could save an African village.

   Stephen Hawking has a motor neurone disease that is related to amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, Thats not very smart, I wouldnt have done that!

   You don't HAVE to be in love to have sex, but you do have to quit squirming away,

   I assume "Luftballons" is German for "bottles of beer on the wall"

   I wonder how old Jenna Jameson's twin sons will be when they realize they weren't the first two guys in her at the same time?

   It's just amazing how much has changed since we got bin Laden.

   You simply have not lived until your dad's sperm fertilizes your mother's egg.

   Sarah Palin said, "Polls are for strippers." Cute. Guess what Grandma? Birth control pills are for teenagers.

   hey Ladies...I just noticed that I stick my tongue out in concentration when I wipe my butt. It's pretty adorable... still single

   I gotta think Peyton Manning's neck injury has something to do with that giant forehead of his.