KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   Don't piss me off and then tell me to calm down. That's just like stabbing someone and then asking them not to bleed.

   Every man will claim he's different. Every man will claim he's loyal. Every man will claim he is your knight in shining amour. Every man will claim he is your prince. But no man will ever claim he is full of sh*t.

   I believe in the sun even when it's night time, I believe in love even when I am yet to find it, I believe in God even when he is yet to answer my prayers, I believe in heaven even when I have been to hell and back.

   Sometimes people don't notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. The they are like, “Why don't you stalk me anymore”

   The difference between "INVOLVED" & "COMMITTED" is like an Egg & Bacon Breakfast, the chicken was INVOLVED and the pig was COMMITTED.

   The Internet? Is that thing still around? - Homer Simpson

   A silly woman will look at what a man drives. A wise woman will look at what drives the Man.

   Women beg for love wit sex and guys beg for sex wit love.

   I can't believe someone actually went through all the trouble to create a fake Facebook profile, complete with fake photos, fake friends and fake status updates just so they could befriend and stalk me. I don't know whether to feel honored or terrifie

   MEN are like BLUETOOTH. When they are with You, they are connected. When they are not with you, they are searching for other devices to connect to.

   I will be honest with you, when it comes to women, you are part of my "Quantity Over Quality" phase.

   Law of Reverse Dynamics: When a man becomes rich, he becomes naughty When a woman becomes naughty, she becomes rich.

   The easy way to teach a woman the true value of money is to borrow it from her.

   It's not that I don't trust you, I just have a strong belief in your ability to f*ck up!

   60% of women carry condoms. The other 40% carry babies.

   Love means sharing your thoughts, your fears, your dreams, your hopes, your pin codes and passwords.

   Only when they're in a fix and in need your help do they come to you all sweet and humble. I won't buy that sh*t. Fu*k you and your problems.

   If you show up at my house without calling first, you'd better be wearing a uniform and delivering the mail.

   Men see what women do, but they never know what women think while they are doing it.

   Having personally eavesdropped hundreds of times, I can confidently confirm that GIRL TALK is much more devious, coniving, detailed, dirty and disgusting than GUY TALK