Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now

   At night I dump massive amounts of Legos on the floor in case anyone tries to rob my house bare footed.

   Watched a boy make a wish at a coin fountain. He tossed the coin & missed it. Missed. An. Entire. Fountain. Ugh, this kid sucks at wishing.

   If you have to ask "You know I'm saying?", you probably didn't make your point very effectively in the first place.

   Sometimes I forget every thought I've ever had and stare at the phone, wondering why it's in my hand

   Today we celebrate the man who brought Christianity to Ireland by drinking hard enough forget everything he taught.

   Just watched Die Hard 2. People in 1990 sure knew how to shrug off a plane crash.

   Countries should have to declare thumb war before declaring actual war

   The "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" theme caused me to start a lot of fights hoping I'd be shipped off to rich relatives.

   Found a 2 inch eyebrow sticking out of my head. I have terrible friends that are too self-absorbed to notice what's really important.

   Corned beef and cabbage. Proof that drunk people really will eat anything.

   If you see someone over the age of 9 wearing sweatpants, pull them aside & say "Friend, you're wearing sweatpants." They might not know.

   Tip: you can save a step in the morning by putting mouthwash on your cereal instead of milk.

   People who say "think outside the box" should be forbidden from ever judging other people's creativity.

   Michigan State has a new course on surviving a zombie apocalypse. I think it's a trap because the prerequisites are English 101 & Brrrains!!!

   Sadly, I don't think everyone ever wang-chunged on any night.

   When people tell you things "as your friend", that means they hate you and want to destroy you.

   My advice to Charlie Brown or any kid who wants more friends; don't tell people your dog is a WWI flying ace

   Remember when we were kids and we were in such a rush to grow up and become adults? Boy, was that stupid.

   I can tell when someone is lying just by the simple fact that they begin asking a question by saying "Quick question".