life Funny Status Messages

   "Only my life matters." -Donald Trump

   Life lesson: If you run out of Vicks vapor rub, never place IcyHot in your nose in place of it or it will make you scream in pain. #thingsthatmakeyouscreaminpain

   Do you ever feel like you're in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?

   Lately I go to the restroom at the movies, but forget where I'm seated then return and just begin a new life in a new seat with a new family.

   Instagram is good for showing highlights from your day, but Snapchat brings to life all those boring, in-between moments no one cares about.

   In my next Life I am coming back with money and looks instead of this sparkling personality crap ....

   Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn't hiring.

   People who go on to open a second Facebook account because you've reached your maximum number of friends, get a life!

   .... Everyone has that one person in their life that is lucky to be alive and is only still breathing because you can't afford a hit-man ...

   Life from the 1800's, my whole family died of diarrhea last night.

   Tell someone you love them today, because life is too short. But shout it to them in Russian, because life is also extremely terrifying and very confusing.

   let's be honest .... nothing is as good as 90's nostalgia, Rocko's Modern Life over Sanjay and Craig any day.

   *Slices up lemons right in front of life*

   If life were a romantic comedy I would be the guy on a date with the girl when the male lead makes his grand gesture that wins her back.

   Bad Inspirational Quote: Life's like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get - like anaphylactic shock for unlisted nuts.

   My girlfriend said she wants a fairy-tale life. So I've trapped her in her gran's bedroom with a wolf.

   The best things in life are free drugs.

   Life is not a fairy tale guys........if you lose a shoe by midnight your drunk.

   You are part of a puzzle in someones life. You may never know where you fit. But, someones life may never be complete without you in it.

   Quote of the year: If you think life is unfair, you’re not gonna be too thrilled about death.