Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   And the winner for the best reader of a teleprompter award goes to...

   Romney's now unemployed, like most Dems. Well, except that he's rich...

   the Dems prove once again that it takes a lot longer than 18 months to buy votes. You've got the power, use it wisely...

   No worries, the Romney/Ryan camp is sending out folders of woman and a pair of magic underwear to all of the disgruntled supporters.

   Um, no, Donald Trump, the world is laughing at YOU (and your raccoon-top).

   Donald, you don't want to be "that guy" at 83 years old still searching for Obama's birth certificate

   I tried killing a loose bat in the garage with an empty paper towel tube. After a few weak whacks,,, we both laughed & shared a fruit roll-up

   I fell in love today. So what have you guys done to ruin your day?

   Let's leave Trump in the rear view mirror and get to work putting our country back in order.

   Who gets the binders full of women?

   Quick! Sign here ______, here ______ and on this side ______, done! I'll explain on our honeymoon.

   The Democrats and Republicans are like Coke and Pepsi, each has a slightly different taste but both very bad for you. As for me, I like a lot of Jäger and a splash of Red Bull. I'm thinking Jägerbomb party. Who's in?

   I dont believe in love, but I believe in sex.

   That moment when you're going to stalk someone and you end up stalking 5 more people because you need to understand the whole conversation.

   Sorry Romney lost, imagine all those moron joke we coulf have done..... sorry mormon.

   Well the good news is Obama won nothing will change, The bad news is Obama won nothing will change.

   People who marry for money over love usually end up cheating for love over money!

   Michelle Obama is definitely getting the D tonight!

   Totally forgot about the Hemorrhoid Commercial...

   Writing "wash me" on someone's car is kind of funny, but writing "I'm watching you right now" is hysterical