KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   The worst place to be in the world is that place where you are not exactly sure of where you stand in someone's life and what you mean to them.

   If there were no women on earth, I would have left this god forsaken planet a long time ago. I am strictly here for the women, everything else is just a bonus. Women make my stay here worthwhile.

   Sometimes I fake dumbness just to see how far people will go with their lies.

   Dear Slut, Maybe if you closed your legs and opened your heart you might actually find true love and know happiness.

   MOM: “Why is there a condom in your purse?!” DAUGHTER: “I dunno. Would you be happier if you found a baby in my purse instead?”

   It's funny how some people think they can fool me when I ignore their calls and they call me with a private number 5 minutes later. You really think I am that stupid? I know it's YOU.

   Pretend you're a giant panda by giving yourself two black eyes, eating bamboo shoots and refusing to have sex with your wife.

   SHREK is the best fairytale ever, it gives ugly guys hope and teaches them that you don't always have to be the most handsome to get the girl and live happily ever after.

   The wagon of love breaks down under the weight of baggage from the past.

   Coffee without caffeine. Beer without alcohol. Milk without fat. What's next ? Marriage without sex?

   Don't say all guys are the same when it's just you who keeps falling for the same type of guys. The losers and the abusers.

   Sometimes, in a relationship, there comes a time you have to quit bullsh*tting and just shut up, swallow your pride, accept that you are wrong and apologize. It's not giving up, it's called growing up.

   I am not a mirror: I see you completely differently from the way you see yourself. Bear that in mind next time you want to ask me how you look.

   You may be worthless to one person, but priceless to another. You just have to be smart enough to differentiate between the two.

   That rather uncomfortable moment when you see a really really really ugly person and you thank god that the person can't read minds.

   Wedding Rings - the world's smallest handcuffs.

   Sometimes a lil weed is all you need.

   Don't you dare come back running to me when you get treated the exact same way you treated me.

   Dear Enemies, I have so much more for you to be mad about. Just be patient.

   I may have opened the door, but you entered of your own free will.