santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Walmart is giving away free Christmas decorations as long as you can outrun security.

   Fair warning: If I see anybody wearing a Santa Claus hat before Thanksgiving I'm going to give them a wedgie, whether I know them or not.

   It's finally November! That means it's time I get to start saying the two words everybody wants to hear: Merry Christmas!

   I’d like to be the first to wish you all a very merry Christmas

   Don’t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.

   My neighbors still have their Christmas wreath on the door. I was gonna knock to complain, but I don’t like confrontation so I just took it.

   It’s safe to unplug your Christmas lights until next year.

   If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas!

   The ghosts from A Christmas Carol are the scariest, because they show you what people are saying about you behind your back.

   Ah yes, it's that wonderful time of year between Christmas and New Years that I like to call "The Festive Perineum".

   Dear Santa! Listen here! I'll keep eating my deer jerky while you give me what I want for Christmas or Rudolph is next. Make it happen fat man!

   Joe exotic was going to do a Christmas song, But he hates carols

   I try my best to be a thoughtful husband. So, I'm gonna surprise my wife with a new bag and belt for Christmas ! The old vacuum cleaner is gonna run like new now .

   I'm sitting here wrapping Christmas presents with one hand. If any of you find a Band-aid in your gift, don't touch it.. I'm still waiting on the test results.

   Warning! If you get a link that says "Justin Barber sings Christmas carols" Don't open it! It's Justin Barber singing Christmas carols.

   Santa put down the pen! I can explain everything!

   I am the reason why Santa has a naughty list.

   The White House hosted its annual Hanukkah party and everything was going great until Biden pulled on a rabbi's beard and said, "You're not Santa."

   Dear Santa, I was good at being NAUGHTY. Does that count for anything?

   Let me get this straight; a fat man who breaks and enters into my home, who steals all my Christmas cookies, is the one who judges if I'm naughty or nice?